In this issue:
* How fun can improve your relationships!
* Advice from Aunt Janet: Why it's hard to change in relationships
* May Dating & Mingling Calendar
* Quick news! Scottsdale offers free legal clinic on divorce with minor
children.

Recently a national magazine reported, "No one asks for phone numbers any
more. Now they ask for your 'IM.'" It also says that 17% of IM users have
broken up using IM. You can read all about it in the next issue of Single
Scene. SUBSCRIBE today. Just $9.50 for 12 bi-monthly issues -- to Single
Scene, Box 10159, Scottsdale AZ 85271.
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Building your relationships through fun

by Janet L. Jacobsen

Dating in America today has largely become a matter of being entertained
rather than entertaining one another. In the days before movies, tv and
radio, conversation and entertainment skills were highly valued. Now many
couples spend their time together watching television, and then wonder why
the relationship is so unexciting.

Having fun is nice, of course, for the individual. It's . . . well, it's
fun. But having fun together is more than that -- it strengthens the
relationship.

Reality therapy is a school of thought which holds that the kinds of fun
that build relationships require that you both be involved mentally, and
that you must both apply some effort.

In other words, watching television or a movie together is really just
passing time. Now if you use the program to stimulate an exciting
discussion where you're both thinking and actively involved, that builds the
relationship.
Having fun together increases your feeling of a relationship. It provides
shared, positive experiences. It makes looking back on the relationship a
happy experience, and gives you a sense of pleasure about the relationship
now. And when you take risks together -- trying new activities, going to
new places -- you grow as individuals in the relationship, and the
relationship itself grows as well.

Transactional analysis emphasizes that many of us have lost touch with the
"child" within us. Children are spontaneous and creative and we can relearn
those talents. "Act your age" is often just stifling. Give yourself
permission to have fun again.

Learning to be spontaneous means in large part being able to go with the
moment. Is this the perfect day for a walk? You can load yourself down
with lots of things you "ought" to do, if you want. Or you can allow the
time for trying new things together. Rollerblading? Canoeing? Dancing?
Explore new places, even new ideas together. After all, having fun together
doesn't take any more time than being together and not having fun.

Too often we think that good relationships just happen, that you are right
for each other by magic, that you don't really have to do anything to make
it last. But think about it -- who would you rather be with: some with
whom your activities are routine, passive and predictable, or someone with
whom you share new experiences, spend active time, and are having fun?

Being sure that you have fun together is an important step to creating
relationships and helping them last.

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ADVICE FROM AUNT JANET: Why it's hard to create change in a relationship.

You ever think a particular relationship of yours needs to change -- maybe
a friend, maybe a romance, maybe somebody in the family? You quarrel too
much maybe, or you never get much past superficial things. So you decide
you'll make a change -- hold your temper, be more cooperative, listen
better. But then the other person responds, "Well, what's with YOUUU?" or
insults what you're doing in some way, so you give it up.
Wrong, wrong. Most of the time, when we decide to make a change it's
because we have recognized a PATTERN in the relationship, and we don't like
the pattern. But being in a repetitive situation means you both know your
"lines." So when YOU change, it throws the other person all out of kilter.
They don't know what to say, how to respond, because it isn't the same old
pattern. And being the creatures of habit that we are, at first folks react
negatively. So don't let the other person's initial reaction deter you.
Hang in there with the change. Give them the chance to learn their role.
When they see that the change will IMPROVE the relationship, they'll adjust.
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May Dating & Mingling:

Wed., May 1: Miss that "Olympic" action? See the Region I
Decathlon/Heptathlon 3 p.m. at Glendale Community College, 6000 W. Olive
Ave. Free.

Thurs., May 2: The evenings are still balmy. Take a stroll through the
garden -- an enormously varied garden at the Mariopca County Cooperative
Extension Service office, 4341 E. Broadway in Tempe. Vegetable garden, herb
garden, tropical plants, desert wildflowers, and antique roses. Many of the
plants are labeled. Free.

Fri., May 3 (to 5th): Maricopa County Home & Landscape Show, 10 am to 8 pm,
Az. State Fairgrounds, 1826 W. McDowell, Phx. 602-252-6771.

Sat., May 4: Ok, it's a day early, but Cinco de Mayo events have already
started, including 5 to 9 pm at the Paiute Neighborhood Center & Park, 6535
E. Osborn Rd., in Scottsdale. 480-312-2529.

Sunday, May 5: Cinco de Mayo! Mexican Independence Day festivals
everywhere you look. People's Pop Concert at Phoenix Symphony Hall, 225
W. Adams (602-262-4627).
Through May, "Live at the Lake," Tempe Town Lake Beach Park every
Sunday. 6:30 pm. Admission & parking, free. 480-350-5287.

Mon., May 6: 7 pm, chess night at Borders Books & Music, Biltmore Fashion
Park, 24th St. & Camelback, Phx. Watch; play! 602-957-6660.

Tues., May 7: You can take a free tour of a historic house 10 to 2 pm
Tues.-Thurs. & Saturdays at the Niels Petersen House Museum, 1414 W.
Southern Ave., Tempe. Info 480-350-5151.

Wed., May 8: Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. &
Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Includes a special program or lecture.
$8 admi., plus $2 for giant-screen film or planetarium. 602-716-2000.

Thurs., May 9: Stop and smell the roses! Mesa Community College has a test
garden with almost 5000 roses. There's a xeriscape (low water) garden too.
On Southern east of Dobson in Mesa. Free.

Fri., May 10: Tired of the rat race? Take a walk through a more leisurely
time at the Sahuaro Ranch Park, 9802 N. 59th Ave. in Glendale. Open daily 6
a.m. to 9 p.m. this historic citrus farm features all the original buildings
and implements, with critters (including peacocks) strolling the
grounds. Beautiful rose garden in front of the house. 623-939-5782.

Sat. May 11: All 29 Phoenix city swimming pools are open weekends in May
noon to 8 p.m. Admission is $1.50. Info & locations: 602-534-7946.

Sun., May 12: Mother's Day! Good day to avoid major restaurants. Instead
pack a picnic and head for a city park. Encanto is lovely now.

Mon., May 13: The temperature's heating up. Time to go out for an ice
cream. More romantic at a soda fountain. The one at The Phoenician is
adorable.

Tues., May 14: Word-buffs meet every Tuesday night 6 p.m. for Scrabble, at
the Hampton Inn, just south of Shea on Scottsdale Rd.

Wed., May 15: First and 3rd Wednesdays, a nonsmoking coffeehouse, 7 p.m.,
auditorium, Glendale Public Library, 5959 W. Brown St. Free. 623-930-3573.

Thurs., May 16: Art Walk (every Thurs.), Scottsdale galleries, 5th Ave.
area. 7-9 p.m. 480-990-3939.

Fri., May 17: Fridays through June, the "Fantastic Friday Film Series" is
free at the Kiwanis Park Lake Fire Circle, Mill Ave. & All-American Way,
Tempe. Open lawn seating. These family films start at dusk. 490-350-5200.

Sat., May 18: Night Run for the Arts, Scottsdale Center for the Arts
amphitheater. 7 pm. Run, walk or stroll, with entertainment along the
route, and a concert, food & libations after. $20 ($16 if registered by May
11). Info 602-277-4333.

Sun., May 19: Tempe Town Lake has opened a state-of-the-art water park.
Good place to watch giggly children.

Mon., May 20: Time to plan for your summer reading. Stroll through a used
bookstore for reading material. Then head for a coffee bar to discuss your
finds.

Tues., May 21: Most Tuesdays there's a backgammon tournament at 7 pm at the
George and Dragon pub, 4240 N. Central in Phoenix. Tourney entry is $10;
bring your own board. 602-265-1992.

Wed., May 22: Every Wed., 7-10 pm, coffee house with performers and a jam
session, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 602-261-8993.

Thurs., May 23: Every Thurs., free night at Phoenix Art Museum (donations
appreciated). Til 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880.

Fri., May 24: Every Fri., Rodders Fellowship Club classic car "Friday Night
Cruise-In", parking lot, ne corner Baseline & Stapley Dr. in Mesa. Begins 6
pm.

Sat., May 25: Hogs in Heat, all-you-can-eat barbecue & dance, Rock Springs
Cafe, Black Canyon City (exit 242, I-17 n. of Phx.). 4 pm-? 623-374-5794.

Sun., May 26: Sundays to July 14, you can enjoy free live music in the open
air Sunday nights 7:30-9 pm at the McCormick Stillman Railroad Park,
southeast corner of Scottsdale Rd. & Indian Bend. Info 480-312-2312.

Monday, May 27: Memorial Day. Good day for a stroll along the streams
under the big trees at Seven Springs, in the Tonto National Forest north of
Carefree. Take a lunch, good walking shoes, and water!

Tues., May 28: Poetry in the Park, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix.
7:30-10 p.m. 602-261-8993.

Wed., May 29: Acoustic Jam Session for amateurs, large meeting room,
Glendale Public Library, 5959 W. Brown St. Free. 623-930-3573.

Thurs., May 30: Every Thursday, "Live at the Library" features
entertainment, especially musical groups. Free. Glendale Public Library,
5959 W. Brown St., 7 pm, auditorium. 623-930-3573.

Fri., May 31: Evening poetry reading, Changing Hands Bookstore, McClintock
& Guadalupe (sw corner), Tempe.

Sat., June 1: National Trails Day. Events around the state at parks, and
in the national forests. The new Pinnacle Peak Park in Scottsdale will host
a 6 a.m. hike. Info 480-312-7955.
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QUICK NEWS! A FREE legal workshop, "Divorce with Minor Children," will be
offered 8:45 a.m. to 2 p.m. May 9 at Vista Del Camino Park, 7700 E.
Roosevelt in Scottsdale. Call for info, 602-258-3434.

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