In this issue:
* New Study Reports How Online Romances Develop
* Advice from Aunt Janet: Where to meet people today
* June Dating & Mingling Calendar

Does "instant messaging" help or hurt in developing dating relationships?
Read all about it in the July-August issue of Single Scene. SUBSCRIBE
today! Just $9.50 for 12 bi-monthly issues -- to Single Scene, Box 10159,
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Study Reports How On-line Romances Develop

Two-thirds of cyber-relationships end with first face-to-face meeting

by Janet L. Jacobsen

People who formed close relationships with someone they met through the
Internet were the subject of a recent study by a University of
Wisconsin-Whitewater researcher, reported in the journal Communication
Quarterly. Dr. Susan Wildermuth analyzed relationship accounts by 64 women
and 19 men, ages 18 to 65.

Relationships ranged in length from four weeks to 13 years (a married
couple who met online). Of relationships that had ended, the average length
was seven months. On-going relationships were five months old, on average.
The relationship narratives were gathered directly from on-line sources.

Fully 95% of participants met their on-line close relationship partner
through a common-interest chat room. Another 2% were introduced by a mutual
on-line friend, and 2% met through web-based personal ads. In daily
interactions people tend to be attracted to those who are similar to them,
so getting acquainted through common-interest chats represents a natural
extension of how face-to-face meetings begin.

And just like we are more likely to get to know those folks with whom we
often "cross paths" such as neighbors and co-workers, regularly "bumping
into each other" in a virtual hang-out can facilitate getting acquainted as
well.

Of the 83 respondents, 37 were married or involved with someone when they
met their on-line partner. All described their real life relationship as
unfulfilling compared to the passion and excitement of their on-line close
relationship. Eventually 19 of the 37 ended their real life relationship;
all were still involved with their on-line partners at the time of the
study. Wildermuth suggests that society may need to rethink our notions of
cheating and betrayal, since "virtual cheating" does not meet the legal
definition of adultery.

The on-line relationships began by using simultaneous-chat programs, and
moved to extensive e-mail interaction. Eventually this led to phone calls,
regular letters, photo exchanges, sending real and cyber flowers and gifts,
and finally meeting in person. So while the initial meeting method may be
different than the traditional routes, the relationship eventually moves to
the common forms of dating interaction.

One way that on-line relationships differ from the face-to-face kind is
that in cyberspace it is relatively easy to withdraw or prevent the
relationship from moving to the next level. Participants have more
opportunity to "manage" how the other person sees them. About half (49%) of
the on-line close relationships ended. Of those, 68% dissolved as a result
of the first face-to-face meeting. The researcher notes that such endings
may come about because one partner has misrepresented themselves, but
disappointments also occur when one person has built up unrealistic
expectations about the other.

Of the half of the relationships in the study that were still on-going, 71%
had met face-to-face and were planning additional meetings.

While acknowledging that the Internet is a different sort of meeting place,
Wildermuth notes that "the relationships established there do not seem to be
much different from relationships established anywhere else." The meeting
place is significant only in the role it plays in how, or if, the partners
chose to proceed from there.
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ADVICE FROM AUNT JANET: Where to meet people today!

As the University of Wisconsin study mentioned above suggests, the real
test of a "blind date" is meeting face to face, even if you think you
already "know" each other because of long Internet chats. So we can expect
that there will always be advantages to getting out of your house to meet
other singles. Here are some great options these days:
--COFFEE BARS. Yes, Starbucks, and whatever other coffee place that is
"hot" in your neighborhood. Take along a crossword puzzle to work. It
gives people something to speak to you about.
--HEALTH CLUBS. Find a workout you LIKE to do. You look more
approachable when you're happy!
--JOIN A TEAM. Summer volleyball, softball, bowling. Doesn't matter. Get
out with groups of people who enjoy something you enjoy. Networking isn't
just for business -- it works in your personal life too!
--SINGLES GROUPS. Even if there's no one in the group at this moment who
is your "type," each member knows lots more singles who might BE your type.

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June Dating & Mingling:

Sat., June 1: National Trails Day. Events around the state at parks, and
in the national forests. The new Pinnacle Peak Park in Scottsdale will host
a 6 a.m. hike. Info 480-312-7955.

Sun., June 2: First Sunday, Arizona Old Time Fiddlers Association Jam
Session, 1-4 pm, Eldorado Park Community Center, 2311 N. Miller Rd., Sc.
480-994-2697.

Mon., June 3: 7 pm, chess night at Borders Books & Music, Biltmore Fashion
Park, 24th St. & Camelback, Phx. Watch; play! 602-957-6660.

Tues., June 4 (also 11th & 18th): Outdoor Adventure Series, 7-9 pm, Kiwanis
Park Lake, Mill Ave. & All-America Way, Tempe. Open lawn seating. Free.
Tonight: Outdoor cooking. 480-350-5200.

Wed., June 5: Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. &
Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Includes a special program or lecture.
$8 admi., plus $2 for giant-screen film or planetarium. 602-716-2000.

Thurs., June 6: Last SMoCA Night of the season! Major mixing & mingling at
the Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art, 9 pm to 1 am. Food, music,
cocktails. 7374 E. 2nd St., Scottsdale. $10 at the door, 480-994-2787.

Fri., June 7: Coffee House and dj dance featuring Big Band music, 6:30-9
pm, Paradise Valley Community Center, 17402 N. 40th St., Phoenix. Free.
All ages welcome. 602-495-3777.

Sat., June 8: Desert Ridge Mall features two stages of free live music most
weekend evenings, Tatum & Loop 101, Scottsdale.
Most Saturday nights: Centerpoint, Mill & University, downtown Tempe. 6-9
pm., live music, magicians and other entertainment. Free. 480-947-3500.

Sun., June 9 (Sundays to July 14): Free live music in the open air Sunday
nights 7:30-9 pm at the McCormick Stillman Railroad Park, southeast corner
of Scottsdale Rd. & Indian Bend. Info 480-312-2312.

Mon., June 10: Mondays in June, 7:30 pm, Summer Concert Series, Kiwanis
Community Park Lake, Mill Ave. & All-America Way, Tempe. Free. Open lawn
seating. Tonight: Pete Pancrazi Quintet. 480-350-5287.

Tues., June 11: Word-buffs meet every Tuesday night 6 p.m. for Scrabble, at
the Hampton Inn, just south of Shea on Scottsdale Rd.

Wed., June 12: Every Wed., 7-10 pm, coffee house with performers and a jam
session, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 602-261-8993.

Thurs., June 13: Every Thurs. in June, Mesa Arts Center free concerts:
Concerts in the Park Series, Thurs. 6-7:30 pm, Dobson Ranch Library, 2425 S.
Dobson, Mesa. Free. 480-644-2242.

Fri., June 14: It's billed as a singles dance, but the promo says "couples
welcome," so take your pick. Sponsored by Phoenix Parks & Recreation.
7-9:30 pm, Paradise ValleyCommunity Center, 17402 N. 40th St., Phoenix.
Free. 602-495-3777.

Sat., June 15: Every Saturday, classic cars & motorcycles exhibited approx.
5-9 p.m. around McDonalds at the Scottsdale Pavillions, Pima & Indian Bend
Roads in Scottsdale.

Sun., June 16: Earliest known start date for the monsoon season. Try a
rain dance! Or beat the heat at an afternoon movie.

Mon., June 17: Mondays in June, 7:30 pm, Summer Concert Series, Kiwanis
Community Park Lake, Mill Ave. & All-America Way, Tempe. Free. Open lawn
seating. Tonight: Kenny Love & The Rock-er-fellas. 480-350-5287.

Tues., June 18: Most Tuesdays there's a backgammon tournament at 7 pm at
the George and Dragon pub, 4240 N. Central in Phoenix. Tourney entry is
$10; bring your own board. 602-265-1992.

Wed., June 19: Nonsmoking coffeehouse, 7 p.m., auditorium, Glendale Public
Library, 5959 W. Brown St. Free. 623-930-3573.

Thurs., June 20: Every Thursday, "Live at the Library" features
entertainment, especially musical groups. Free. Glendale Public Library,
5959 W. Brown St., 7 pm, auditorium. 623-930-3573.

Fri., June 21: Gospel Songfest, part of Juneteenth celebration, sponsored
by Phoenix Parks & Recreation, 6-10 pm at Pilgrim's Rest Church, Jefferson &
15th St. 602-431-1838.

Sat., June 22: They say eating spicy food makes you feel cooler. Dine out
at an ethnic restaurant that will stimulate your tastebuds.

Sun., June 23: Rent an ice cream freezer (preferably hand cranked!) and
make up a batch from scratch. Have lots of toppings on hand -- hot fudge,
caramel, chopped nuts, etc.

Mon, June 24: Mondays in June, 7:30 pm, Summer Concert Series, Kiwanis
Community Park Lake, Mill Ave. & All-America Way, Tempe. Free. Open lawn
seating. Tonight: Pam Nelson & Sedona Crossing. 480-350-5287.

Tues., June 25: Poetry in the Park, Encanto Park Clubhouse, 2605 N. 15th
Ave., Phoenix. 7-9:30 p.m. Free. 602-262-6412.

Wed., June 26: Anniversary of the hottest day ever in Phoenix - 122
degrees, 1990. Celebrate with an ice cream sundae! (Or two!)
Acoustic Jam Session for amateurs, large meeting room, Glendale Public
Library, 5959 W. Brown St. Free. 623-930-3573.

Thurs., June 27: Every Thurs., free night at Phoenix Art Museum (donations
appreciated). Til 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880.

Fri., June 28: 35th annual Firecreacker Softball Tournament, Rose Mofford
Softball Complex, 9833 N. 25th Ave., Phoenix. Tournament begins at 7 pm;
pause forfireworks at 9 pm. 602-262-6485.

Sat., June 29 (to July 6): Prescott Frontier Days Rodeo. Parade, street
dances, etc. Prescott. 928-445-3103.
After Dark in the Park, Deer Valley Park, 19400 N. 19th Ave., sponsored by
Phoenix Parks & Recreation. Carnival games 6-9 pm, movie at dark,
fireworks. Get admission tickets (max. 600) June 24-28 at Community center,
2001 W. Wahalla Lane, Phoenix; $3 ticket includes hot dog, soda, popcorn,
cotton candy, movie & fireworks. Info 602-495-3735.

Sun., June 30: Every Sunday, free admission day at the Pueblo Grande
Museum, 4619 E. Washington, Phoenix, on southwest archeology and culture.
1-4:45 Sunday. 602-495-0901.

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