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Singles Scene News
PO Box 10159
Scottsdale AZ 85271
USA

Voice and Fax 480-945-6746

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Nine Steps
to Having Fun
at a
Singles Dance

by Janet L. Jacobsen, Editor,
Single Scene newspaper.

Single Scene sponsors the Phoenix-area
All Singles Dances, founded in 1973.

1. ARRIVING

If you are there with friends, you will meet many more people if you don’t spend too much time with your friends. This is especially true of opposite sex friends; if you arrive together and sit together, people will assume you are together, unless one or both of you regularly moves around and asks other people to dance.

The first and foremost technique to stay “free” at a social event is mingling: move around.

An opposite sex person who happens to be sitting at your table doesn’t “tie you up,” unless you focus your attention on them. Look around, talk to others, get up and mingle!

If you’ve always been one to sit, it will feel very weird to stand and move around the first few times, but you’ll catch on to it.

Get over the idea that you need a “spot” to sit. (For women: learn to wear clothes with pockets and leave your purse in the car.) If you take root in one place, you are tied down, and nobody else did it to you. Sitting is ok as long as you don’t become “stuck.”

2. MINGLING/MOVING ON

When you arrive, take some time to look around; you may discover that there are people there you already know.

If it turns out that everyone is a stranger, then start a few conversations with same sex people; in others words, make some friends — people you find nonthreatening who you can get back to later if you feel “trapped,” or neglected.

Both guys and gals can feel trapped in conversation at a dance by someone they don’t know how to escape. Often the other person doesn’t mean to or realize what is happening; they think they are just being friendly. Sometimes they try to “hold on” to a conversation because they are uncomfortable mingling. Sometimes they’re just obnoxious.

If you find yourself in a conversation that you want to end, use one of these techniques:

    —At some reasonable stopping point, say, “It’s been nice talking to you, but I think it’s time I was mingling.”
    —Use the Polite Reverse and say, “I won’t tie you up any longer.” And move on.
    —Even if you don’t know anyone else there, you can say, “There are some other people I need to talk to,” since there probably are people you’d like to meet.
    —”I just arrived (or this is my first time here) and I’m going to take some time to look around.”
    —”There’s something I need to do now.” If you need a destination, try the bar, the water, or the restroom. Or visit briefly with the cashiers, or request a song from the DeeJay.

It’s nice, if it’s true, to end your exit remarks with something like, “Maybe we can talk again later.” Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.

When you’re in a place where you know people, you can excuse yourself to go talk to the folks you already know.

Don’t feel obligated to “stop to talk” to anyone. If they approach you, smile, look away, and keep moving. Eye contact can trap you; learn to keep it brief and then refocus elsewhere.

If someone is bothering you or you aren’t sure how to handle a situation, talk to the staff at the dance. If you aren’t sure who is “staff,” ask the DeeJay who to talk to. You are doing the management a favor; they can’t fix a problem they don’t know exists.

3. HOW TO GET
ASKED TO DANCE

If you would like people to ask you to dance, when you sit or stand, do it in as “high traffic” an area as possible. Hardly anyone will approach you in the far corner behind the potted palm.

Look around. Look friendly. Smile.

4. HOW TO TELL WHO WANTS TO DANCE

The more of the following that apply, the more likely that the person will say “yes” to a dance:

1. The person is not currently “tied up” with someone else, either deep in conversation or on the dance floor.
2. They are paying attention to what’s going on on the dance floor,
especially if they are standing or sitting near the dancing.
3. They indicate some sense of rhythm. Wild toe tapping, shoulder swinging, finger drumming, or appropriate arm waving are sure signs.
4. They’ve just asked someone else to dance, and been turned down.

5. HOW TO ASK A
PERSON TO DANCE

[What men think about women asking them to dance: “HURRAY!” Do it—-every dance is ladies’ choice!]

The easiest way to ask a person to dance is to say, “Would you like to dance?”

Another workable technique is to ask, “What would you say if I asked you to dance?” Then, if they say “No,” you don’t ask!
   
Of course, there’s the chance the person will say no. Be prepared for that; it’s only fair, after all. There are lots of reasons you might say no; the other person has lots of possible reasons too. Don’t take it personally. Be gracious: say “That’s all right,” or “I understand,” and move on.

6. HOW TO SAY “NO”

What do you say if someone asks you to dance and you don’t want to dance, or to dance with them? Very graciously tell them “No thank you.” Skip excuses. (This also applies to requests for phone numbers or dates.)

An alternative (especially if you might want to dance later) is to say, “I don’t think that would be a good idea right now.” If they ask why, just say, “Because I don’t think that would be a good idea right now.” Repeat as necessary.

7. HOW TO GET OFF THE DANCE FLOOR

Some people find it difficult to get off the dance floor once they’ve accepted a dance. Remember that you accepted one dance. At the end of a song, simply say, “Thanks for the dance,” turn, and begin walking casually off the dance floor. If they say, “Oh, just one more,” and that’s ok with you, be sure to say, “Ok, but just one more,” and emphasize the one. If you don’t want to dance another, keep moving and say “No thanks,” or “Not now.”

What if someone who wants to dance closer to you than you want to dance with them? Stop, step back, hold your arms at the desired distance, and restart the dance. You can say, “I think dancing like this would be more appropriate.”

If the person gets too friendly again, stop, step back, and walk confidently off the dance floor. No need to say a word.

8. HOW TO ASK FOR A PHONE NUMBER

Don’t ask for a phone number you’re not likely to use.

At the same time, don’t limit yourself to the phone
numbers of only potential Ms./Mr. Rights; now’s a good time to be making friends as well.

The time to ask for the number is when the conversation is rolling. You might say, “I’m really enjoying talking to you. I’d love to be able to phone you sometime.” Or “I think you’d be fun to talk to on the phone. Can I have your number?” Or, “If you’ll give me your phone number, I’d like to call you sometime.”

Or give them your number and say, “I’ve enjoyed talking to you. I hope you’ll call me sometime.”

Actually, it’s better to exchange numbers than to just give or get a number. After all, if you’re not interested enough to want their number, you probably shouldn’t be giving them yours.

One of the easiest ways to give out your number is to have a personal card — just like a business card, only it has your name and your phone number. (Leave off your address; you are giving this to strangers, after all.)

If you are making a date, exchange phone numbers.
All sorts of things can happen: know how to get in touch with them.

9. HOW NOT TO WEAR
OUT YOUR WELCOME
and still connect with someone special!

The best way to meet someone interesting, and have them get interested in you, is to mingle. Dance with as many people as possible. This shows you are considerate and polite; you dance with everyone, after all. You aren’t “hard to get rid of.”

To mingle and still connect with someone you think is special, keep going back to that one. Dance two songs with them; then mingle for several songs. Dance two songs with them; then mingle. Visit with them a little; then mingle. At some point give them your personal card with your phone number (jotted on a piece of paper, if necessary), and suggest coffee some time if they get a chance to call you.
Remember, no pressure!

The best way to have fun at a singles dance and to avoid being trapped is also the best way to meet someone special. Don’t sit. Mingle.
Dance with everyone!

The All Singles Dances are held every Friday
(and some holidays) at the better
resorts and hotels around the Valley.
Music is contemporary,
about an equal mix of fast and slow.
The dances are nonsmoking events,
and open to all singles.

For dance location information,
call 480/949-8076, press 1.

www.azsinglescene.com

copyright Single Scene, 1998.  All rights reserved