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BEAT THE BAR SCENE
By Harlan Jacobsen
copyright 1996 by Single Scene Newspaper
Some people do well meeting people in bars. If they do, they are probably hanging out there right now and not reading this paper.
But if you are like me and a lot of other people who have tried the bar scene and it just did not work, then you wonder if there is a workable alternative.
Believe me, I did a lot of experimenting and I just never succeeded in successfully meeting anyone that developed into anything (not even a one-night stand, and that's what bars are supposed to be good for). My conclusion was, after trying about thirty different happy hours and various dance-type bars, etc., anywhere from an hour's time to 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. over and over again, that to ever do any good in a bar I would have to spend an awful lot of time there. It seems that people who do the bar scene are willing to spend four to six hours a night there several nights a week. First of all you need a lot of time, and secondly you have to like to drink. As a result of that last item you also have to, number three, be willing to spend quite a bit of money. Maybe that's why the bar scene doesn't work for me (or you). I just never seem to have that much time to frit away, and secondly I do not drink (how many $1.25 Cokes can you drink in one evening?). Third, I just never seem to have loose money to frit away buying everybody drinks, either.
My experience is that women used to the bar scene figure it is a good evening when they never had to buy a drink with their own money all evening. They get lots of attention and men bought them drinks all evening. That is some women's definition of a successful night.
Never mind that they are not meeting anyone of their type or interest.
Now some of these same women used to hanging around the bar scene come to a singles dance and when not one man buys them a drink they say, boy, I'd never go to one of those again - the men are all tightwads - they never buy you a drink.
At singles dances, most women prefer that men do not buy them a drink. When a man buys them a drink, they feel obligated to spend all their time with him (at least until the drink is finished), and they came to meet a lot of different people, not to camp with one person all evening.
Once in a bar I spent all evening with this one gal and we hit it off real well. She apparently was a regular, said things like "You should have been here last night," etc., etc. After buying her drinks all evening and about ten Cokes for myself, I find out about 12:30 a.m. that she is married and that her husband is out of town. Now that really let all of the air out of my balloon. I was so used to going to singles events where everyone was single I just assumed (I guess) that everyone there was available. Maybe she was available for that night; I never stuck around to find out - I was still in shock.
If you have spent time in bars and met people that developed into any kind of worthwhile relationship, I say more power to you.
Personally looking back, it just never worked for me and a lot of other people I know. Maybe it makes a difference what age you are - I just do not know.
In many areas the only apparent places to meet the opposite sex are either at the bar or at the church social. All the women are at the church function saying "I wonder where all the men are?" and all the men down at the bar are saying over their beer to their bartender "Where are all the broads tonight?"
What we have tried to do with this paper is to inform you of different ways to meet people, other than the bar scene. We interview hundreds of single people and we say to them, "What works for you in meeting people?" So we relate not just our personal experience but lots of other people's experience of what works. That's what this paper is all about - bringing to your attention viable alternatives to the bar scene.