Single Scene Newsletter 10-30-01 issue 61 Copyright Single Scene 2001 sing-@primenet.com! In this issue: * Beware the Holiday Romance * Advice from Aunt Janet: DON'T SAY, "If you don't have anything else to do....." * November "dates" calendar (Ask questions, offer advice, share concerns and experiences! The Arizona Singles Scene web site -- Azsinglescene.com -- has added a singles chat board for online web use by Arizona readers; just go to the web site and click on Talkshop.) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * BEWARE THE HOLIDAY ROMANCE by Janet L. Jacobsen Now that, ready or not, the holiday season will soon be upon us, many of us are succumbing to the romance of it all, and are in the market to fall in love. Christmas is, after all, romantic. This is a fantasy time, a time when we envision a perfection we don't even bother to consider the rest of the year. And herein lies the danger to any relationship built on the fantasy ground of the holidays. We will assume you are currently looking for love (if you think you may already be in love, stay tuned anyway; much of this will still apply to you). And let us say (this is the time when wishes come true, after all) that in fact we find a Promising Candidate. We are likely, in this season of goodwill, to make a couple of major errors. In this candy-coated time, those of us beginning relationships are likely to be on our absolute-very-best behavior. (If you're not, no visit from Santa, remember.) It is a harmless enough pose, UNLESS our partner believes they're dealing with the real us. And the real us is bound to come out eventually--usually about Christmas day. We are also in danger of applying a liberal dose of holiday sugar to our partner. This may show up as blithely ignoring flaws that at any other time of year would have been fatal to the relationship early on; but rather than "spoil" the holiday--or risk spending it alone--we choose to ignore the telltale signs. Or we may expect such seasonal perfection that we have expectations of almost mythical proportions which our new love must fulfill. Unfortunately, their essential humanity will prevail over any mythic aspirations we may have, and eventually we'll be sadly disappointed by their failure to be all that we expected. This is, we believe, the one season when we should be able to count on our wishes coming true, after all. As the lover and as the lovee, the holiday spirit is so loaded with secret assumptions and unnatural behavior that one or both of us is likely to be crashingly disappointed somewhere along the way, and we tend not to take the holiday letdowns very well at all. This is not to say that you should give up dating until next year, but instead it's a plea for some degree of reasonableness. Whether with a "new" or "old" partner, realize that you may have some secret dream you want them to meet which they can't humanly fulfill, and that the nagging disap pointment you feel is not necessarily their fault. The holidays are weighted for disappoint; we don't usually get nearly as many presents as we did as kids, yet we have all this extra work to do. Everyone is supposed to behave wonderfully, and instead everyone gets crabby, but pretends they're not. How handy to have someone to blame. Just keeping an eye on your fantasizing for perfection may well be enough to ensure a more realistic perspective, and keep that relationship alive well past the festive sea son. But just to be on the safe side, if you are not cur rently engaged, promise me that you will not get married be tween now and the New Year. A whirlwind romance and a Christmas wedding may look like perfection now, but not so wonderful in the dawn's early light on January 2 when reality comes home at last. ------------------------------------------------- Advice from Aunt Janet: DON'T SAY, "If you don't have anything else to do....." I've heard it already. It's nice that people are planning ahead for Thanksgiving, but surely we can find a better way to invite single friends to dinner. When inviting someone by saying, "If you don't have anything else to do, we'd like to have you over for Thanksgiving," the argument is that this lets the person know they are under no obligation to accept. But people are ALWAYS under no obligation to accept if they have previous commitments, so the logic doesn't really work. And what happens is that the person being "invited" is put in the position of responding 1). I don't have anything planned; I have no social life and no prospect for a social life, and/or 2) Since I don't have anything really INTERESTING to do, I'm willing to come to your house. Neither is very pleasant, but given the way the question is worded, almost any reply implies 1 and/or 2. Not good. The question also suggests that if you DO get a "better offer," you could bow out, but most of us feel that once we've ACCEPTED, we're obligated. If your intention is to say that anyone and everyone is invited and they can bring friends -- in other words, an Open House -- say so. If the plan is for a few friends, and you'd like to include this person, say so. You can quickly follow that up with, "Of course, if you have other plans, we'll understand." Extending a REAL invitation is much more gracious, and complimentary, than putting your potential guest in an awkward spot. ----------------------------------------------------- SHARE WITH A FRIEND-- PLEASE FORWARD THIS ISSUE ! ---------------------------------------------- If you haven't already done so, please forward this issue to your single friends and associates. Thanks so much! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< November Dating & Mingling: Thurs., Nov. 1: Thursdays are free night at Phoenix Art Museum (donation appreciated). 36th Annual Cowboy Artists of America exhibition (thru Nov. 18). Til 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880. 1st: ArtSalon, lectures and discussions with guest artists. 7-9 pm, Burton Barr Central Library, Pulliam Auditorium, 1221 N. Central Ave., Phoenix. 602-262-4636. Fri. Nov. 2 (to Sun. 4th): Metris Thunderbird Balloon Classic, Westworld, Scottsdale. 602-978-7330. Sat., Nov. 3: Drowning Prevention Awareness Day, Arizona Fall League doubleheader, Phoenix Municipal Stadium, 5999 E. Van Buren. 11 am to 5 pm. $5 adm. 602-262-4085. Sun, Nov. 4: "Music in the Garden" concert, featuring "Turning Point" (contemporary jazz), Desert Botanical Garden, 1201 N. Galvin Parkway, Phx. 11:30 am to 1 pm. $13.50 nonmembers. 480-941-1225. Mon., Nov. 5: Arizona Fall League baseball at all 5 "spring training" stadiums. Daily games except Sunday through Nov. 17. Double-headers Saturdays. Day games usually 1:05, evenings 7:05; box offices open an hour before. Adm. $5. For info & schedule call your local stadium or 480-496-7600. Tues., Nov. 6: Most Tuesdays there's a backgammon tournament at 7 pm at the George and Dragon pub, 4240 N. Central in Phoenix. Tourney entry is $10; bring your own board. 602-265-1992. Wed., Nov. 7: First Wednesday, Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. & Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Includes a special program or lecture. $5 admi., plus $2 for giant-screen film or planetarium. 602-716-2000. Thurs., Nov. 8: Every Thurs., Sc. Center for the Arts, Civic Center Mall, is open til 8 p.m. 480-994-ARTS. Fri., Nov. 9: Every Fri., Rodders Fellowship Club classic car "Friday Night Cruise-In", parking lot, ne corner Baseline & Stapley Dr. in Mesa. Begins 6 pm. Sat., Nov. 10 (to April 7, 2002): Secret World of the Forbidden City: Splendors from China's Imperial Palace, Phoenix Art Museum, 1625 N. Central, Phoenix. 300 items from the Qing Dynasty. Special timed tickets required, $12. 602-257-1880. 10th and 11th: Scottsdale AirFair, Scottsdale Airport, 15000 N. Airport Dr. 602-840-9005. Sun, Nov. 11 (to Feb. 15, 2002): Dino Eggs exhibit, Mesa Southwest Museum, 53 N. Macdonald St., Mesa. Tues. to Sat., 10 am to 5 pm, Sun., 1-5, pm. See rare sauropod eggs, and working paleontological lab, plus full scale model of Argentinosaurus. $6 adm. 480-644-2230. 11th: Veterans Day Memorial, 3-5 pm, McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park, 7301 E. Indian Bend. Rd. 480-312-2312. Mon., Nov. 12: Veteran's Day Parade, Central Ave. from Indian School to McDowell, Phoenix. 11 a.m. Tues., Nov. 13: Together get a jump on your holiday planning before the malls get crowded. Dinner at the mall food court or nearby restaurant, then window-shopping through the mall. Wed., Nov. 14: 7 p.m., every Wednesday night fun skate for adults, El Dorado Park, 2311 N. Miller Rd., Scottsdale. Winds thru city. Free 480-942-4156. Thurs., Nov. 15: "Lunch Talk" on the Islamic celebration of Ramadan. Noon to 1 pm, 4th floor lecture hall, Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central Ave., Phx. Free. 602-262-4636. Fri., Nov. 16: Welcome to winter! Cool evenings cry out for playing cards at home, while consuming hot chocolate and pie (ala mode permitted). Sat., Nov. 17: Leonids meteor shower. 17th: National volunteer day. Call the Volunteer Center for activities today that NEED YOU! 602-263-9736. Every Saturday, classic car exhibits 5-9 p.m. around McDonalds at the Scottsdale Pavillions, Pima & Indian Bend Roads in Scottsdale. Sun., Nov. 18 (also Sat. 17th): 19th annual Devonshire Renaissance Faire, Los Olivos Park, 28th St. & Devonshire Rd., Phoenix. 10 am to 5 pm. Free. 4 stages of entertainment, roaming costumed entertainers, food and craft booths. $5 adm. 602-2256-3130. Mon., Nov. 19: Rent a movie, pop popcorn. If the holiday spirit has got you, string popcorn while watching movie! Tues., Nov. 20: Coffee at Kerr with St. Petersberg Conservatory, coffee 10 a.m., concert 10:30, Kerr Cultural Center, 6110 N. Scottsdale Rd. Free. RSVP to 480-965-5377. Wed., Nov. 21: Every Wed., 7-10 pm, coffee house with performers and a jam session, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 602-261-8993. Thurs., Nov. 22: Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade, downtown Fountain Hills. 9 a.m. 480-837-1654. 22nd: Antique Walk, evening, downtown Glendale. 623-435-0556. Fri., Nov. 23 (to Jan. 12): Glendale Glitters Holiday Light Display, downtown Glendale 58th & Glendale Avenues. Entertainment Friday & Sat. evenings to Dec. 22, 6-10 p.m. Free. 623-930-2299. Sat., Nov. 24 (display to Jan. 6): APS Fantasy of Lights Kick Off Party, downtown Tempe. Light parade, carnival, entertainment. Free. 480-967-4877. Sun., Nov. 25: APS Fiesta of Light Holiday Concert, 3-5 pm, Symphony Hall, 225 E. Adams St., Phx., Free. 602-262-4627. Mon., Nov. 26: "Prospecting Mars" lecture, by GCC professor Steve Kadel. 7 pm. Glendale Public Library, 5959 W. Brown St., large meeting room. (Seating is first-come, first-served.) 623-930-3550. Tues., Nov. 27: 4th Tues., Poetry in the Park, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 7:30-10 p.m. 602-261-8993. Wed., Nov. 28: Acoustic Jam Session, large meeting room, Glendale Public Library, 5959 W. Brown St., Glendale. 7 pm. Open to acoustic instruments; for amateurs. Last Wed. of each month. 623-930-3573. Thurs., Nov. 29: Jazz Combo Concert with Glendale Community College's award-winning Jazz Big Band and Jazz Combo. 7:30 pm. MU 151, GCC, 6000 W. Olive Ave., Glendale. FREE. 623-845-3855. Fri., Nov. 30 (to Dec. 2): Tempe Festival of the Arts, downtown Tempe, 3 stages of live entertainment, arts and crafts, 50 food booths. Hundreds of thousands of people! Free. 480-967-4877. < > < > < > < > < > IF YOU KNOW THE RIGHT CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS, meeting people can be fun and easy ! Improve your MEETING PEOPLE skills with the HOW TO MEET PEOPLE audiocassette by Janet Jacobsen, editor of Single Scene. You'll learn **How to overcome your fears **Three sure-fire meeting methods **Where to find interesting people **Simple, fun techniques to improve your social life NOW. To order HOW TO MEET PEOPLE, send $9.95 (first class postage & handling included) to Interpersonal Enterprises Inc. Box 6243 Dept. E Scottsdale AZ 85261-6243. Satisfaction Guaranteed!