Single Scene Newsletter 4-28-03 Issue 79 Copyright Single Scene 2003 http://www.azsinglescene.com singles@globalcrossing.net IN THIS ISSUE: * Myths about the bar scene (Part I: Best place, worst place to meet?) *Valley singles news briefs *May Dating & Mingling Opportunities --------------------------------------- Get timely tips on how to handle the mysteries of dating by signing up for Harlan’s dating e-newsletter. Just send a blank e-mail to dating_again-subscribe@topica.com. ----------------------------------------------- Myths about the bar scene (Part I) by Janet L. Jacobsen Many people assume the bar scene is THE scene for singles. After all, aren't they called "singles bars"? (I used to think that this meant that somewhere there were bars especially for single people; I was wrong.) So when a person is newly single or "available," they "check out the bar scene" once or twice, find it very stressful or unpleasant, and spend the next couple of years staying home watching tv and complaining about how they can't meet people. I'm not saying here that the bar scene is for everyone; in fact, it's probably not for a lot of people. But we'll manage our social lives more effectively if we have a more realistic idea of what the "bar scene" is all about. So over the next couple of issues we'll share some popular "myths" about the bar scene. 1. THE BAR SCENE IS THE BEST PLACE TO MEET PEOPLE. Wrong - particularly in terms of skill levels. Thinking that you should learn your meeting people skills in the bar scene is equivalent to thinking you should book your first piano lesson in Carnegie Hall, with an audience of thousands. You aren't ready for that yet. The easiest place to meet people is at organized singles events where people are doing something you genuinely enjoy: hiking, discussing, playing tennis. You know every­one is single, you know everyone shares your interest, you know everyone is there to meet people, you know the expecta­tion is that you will mingle. It removes a lot of the stresses. To meet interesting singles effectively in the bar scene, on the other hand, you need to know how to weed out the marrieds from the singles, the available singles from the unavailable singles, the drunks from the non-drinkers, and how to handle both rejection and rejecting, plus somehow start conversations with the folks who look promising. Just about every terrific person I know has been in a bar at one time or another, so you could have met them there, IF you knew how to spot them and how to approach them. But this calls for very advanced communication skills and is no place for beginners. 2. EVERYBODY IN BARS IS A DRUNK. Wrong. People who like to dance have few alternatives to the bar scene. And "serious" dancing is like a serious athletic event; the real dancers are rarely drinkers. Also, many people are in bars simply because they don't know where else to go to meet people (see item #1), and not because they drink. So how do you know who's who? Observation, and patience. If a person's drinking orange juice or ginger ale early in the evening, they're probably never going to get around to liquor, but a drink or two of liquor early on doesn't mean much. Watch out, though, for those on their fourth beer or cock­tail, for those who've been drinking even be­fore they got there, and for those who continue drinking right up until they leave. Also, anyone who gives you a hard time be­cause you're NOT drinking is probably bad news. 3. YOU NEED A COUPLE DRINKS BEFORE YOU ASK ANYONE TO DANCE. Maybe you think you do, but keep in mind that it ups your rejection rate, both on first contact and in the long run. 4. YOU HAVE TO BE A GOOD DANCER. Wrong. Almost no one's a "good" dancer, if we use Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers as the criteria. What people tend to do is notice the very best dancers on the floor, and think, "Oh, I can't dance like that." Instead, concentrate the worst dancers. If you can't dobetter than they do, take lessons. Otherwise, dance! NEXT ISSUE: How to meet people in bars; skills for rejecting and rejection. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Valley Singles News Briefs -------------------------- New group for Catholic Singles Catholic Single Professionals ages 35 - 50. Newly formed social activity group for Catholic Singles. Monthly activites around town. For detail e-mail: catholicsingles@yahoo.com. See Museums two-for-one in May May is Museum Month. During the month of May you can pick up a free May Museum Month Passport at checkout counters at Robinsons-May department stores. The passports at good for 2-for-1 admissions or special gifts at participating museums around the state. Info at 602-251-0209, ext. 6414, Camp out -- at the Scottsdale Stadium! Here's a "campout" for you and your kids where you don't have to leave town. The Scottsdale Parks Department and Outback Steakhouse are sponsoring Scottsdale Stadium's Starlight Sleepover at the Stadium in central Scottsdale May 3-4. Fee is $28 per person, including dinner and breakfast. For info call 480-312-2856. Victorian weddings on display at Rosson House Planning for a wedding, or just like nostalgia? The Rosson House in the Phoenix Heritage Square features its annual Victorian wedding display from May 14 through June 29, including costumes, decorations, gifts, trousseau and lavish table settings. Located at 7th Street and Monroe in downtown Phoenix, house tours are given Wed.-Sat. 10 am to 3:30 pm, and Sun., noon to 3:30. Admission is $4. For info call 602-262-5071. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< May Dating & Mingling Thurs., May 1 to May 4: "Masterworks from El Greco to Picasso in The Phillips Collection" opens at the Phoenix Art Museum, 1625 N. Central Ave. Billed as "the most important exhibition ever mounted in Arizona." $16 tickets are for timed and dated entry. Advance reservations are recommended through Ticketmaster, or in person at the Museum. Museum info 602-257-1880. Fri., May 2: First Friday Reception, part of Linda McCartney's Sixties: Portrait of an Era photography exhibit, 7-10 pm, Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central, Phoenix. 602-256-3540. Fri., May 2: Every Fri., Rodders Fellowship Club classic car "Friday Night Cruise-In", parking lot, ne corner Baseline & Stapley Dr. in Mesa. Begins 6 pm. Sat., May 3: May 2-5, look for Cinco de Mayo celebrations in most communities. For instance, Paiute Park, 3210 N. 66th St. in Scottsdale hosts a free celebration May 3, 6-9:30 pm. Info 480-312-2771. Sun., May 4: Arizona Old Time Fiddlers Association Jam Session, 1-4 pm, Eldorado Park Community Center, 2311 N. Miller Rd., Sc. 480-994-2697. Mon., May 5: Art Salon, Pulliam Auditorium, Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central Ave., Phoenix. 6:30 pm reception, 7 pm lecture/discussion on art & artists. Free. 602-262-4636. Tues., May 6: Every Tues., East Coast Swing lessons, 9 pm-12:30 am, Bash on Ash, 230 W. Fifth St., Tempe. $5. 480-966-8200. Wed., May 7: Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. & Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Includes a special program or lecture. $8 adm., plus $2 for giant-screen film or planetarium. 602-716-2000. Thurs., May 8: Lunch Talks, noon to 1, every Thursday. Bring your lunch for a talk on the area's diverse cultures. Free. Pulliam Auditorium, Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central Ave., Phoenix. 602-262-4636. Fri., May 9: Evening poetry reading, Changing Hands Bookstore, McClintock & Guadalupe (sw corner), Tempe. Sat., May 10: Big Band Music concert, with Lynn "Win" Roberts and his swinging Saxes. Steele Indian School Parks Summer Concert Series, second Saturday of the month through September, 8 to 10 pm. Free. Bring blankets, lawn chairs. 3rd Street and Indian School, Phoenix. Info, 602-495-0739. Sun., May 11: McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park hosts its annual free Concert Series Sunday evenings 7:30-9 pm to July 13. Live bands with a different variety of music each week. Bring a blanket or lawn chair. Park is on southeast corner of Scottsdale Road and Indian Bend. Info 480-312-2312. Mon., May 12: Mondays (and Wednesdays) women's division Scottsdale Blues Rugby Club practice and play 7:30 p.m. Arcadia High School, 4703 E. Indian School. Hotline: 602-407-5555. Tues., May 13: Movie Tuesdays movie discussion series, every Tuesday, 5:30-7 p.m. Pulliam Auditorium, Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central, Phoenix. Free. 602-262-4636. Wed., May 14: Royal Scottish Country Dancing, 7 pm, Scottsdale Senior Center, Civic Center & 2nd Ave. Free. 480-834-5662. Newcomers welcome. Thurs., May 15: Art Walk (every Thurs.), Scottsdale galleries, 5th Ave. area. 7-9 p.m. 480-990-3939. Fri., May 16: Full moon. Good evening for a hike local hike (stay on the trail!) or a picnic in a park. Sat., May 17: Most Saturday nights: Centerpoint, Mill & University, downtown Tempe. 6-9 pm., live music, magicians and other entertainment. Free. 480-947-3500. Sun., May 18: Every Sunday, free admission day at the Pueblo Grande Museum, 4619 E. Washington, Phoenix, on southwest archeology and culture. 1-4:45 Sunday. 602-495-0901. Mon., May 19: The weather's heating up. Go out for ice cream! Tues., May 20: Word-buffs meet every Tuesday night 6 p.m. for Scrabble, at the Hampton Inn, just south of Shea on Scottsdale Rd. Wed., May 21: Every Wed., 7-10 pm, coffee house with performers and a jam session, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 602-261-8993. Thurs., May 22: Every Thurs., free night at Phoenix Art Museum (donations appreciated). Til 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880. Fri., May 23: Every Fri., Friday night drag racing, Firebird International Raceway, 20000 S. Maricopa Rd., Chandler. 6 p.m. $10. 602-268-0200. Sat., May 24: Every Saturday, classic cars & motorcycles exhibited approx. 5-9 p.m. (or later) around McDonalds at the Scottsdale Pavilions, Pima & Indian Bend Roads in Scottsdale. Free. 480-991-6007. Sun., May 25: Have tomorrow off? Good night to catch a movie! Mon., May 26: Memorial Day. The crowds are all out of town, so stroll a mall, dine in the food court, see an afternoon movie. Tues., May 27: Poetry in the Park, Encanto Park Clubhouse, 2605 N. 15th Ave., Phoenix. 7-9:30 p.m. Free. 602-262-6412. Wed., May 28: Acoustic Jam Session for amateurs. 7 p.m., large meeting room, Glendale Public Library, 5959 W. Brown St. Free. 623-930-3537. Thurs., May 29: Every Thurs. "Sport Compact Only" drag racing, Firebird International Raceway, 20000 S. Maricopa Rd., Chandler, 7 p.m. $10. $5 parking. 602-268-0200. Fri., May 30: Every Fri., open dancing to a variety of music, 9:15 p.m. to midnight. Dance lessons 7:30-9:15. $5 Paragon Dance Center, 3029 N. Alma School, Chandler. 480-777-8877. Sat., May 31: Hogs in Heat, all-you-can-eat barbecue & dance, Rock Springs Cafe, Black Canyon City (exit 242, I-17 n. of Phx.). 4 pm-? 623-374-5794. ---------------------------------------- For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our website at http://divorcerecovery101.com. YOU CAN HELP! Our singles' Internet information, maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people, which means we have little budget to promote our services. Newly singled people will find out about it and get help only if readers like you (word of mouth) tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites, newsletters, and courses. Remind them these are all totally FREE. ------------------------------------------------ SHARE WITH A FRIEND-- PLEASE FORWARD THIS ISSUE ! If you haven't already done so, please forward this issue to your single friends and associates. Thanks so much! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< IF YOU KNOW THE RIGHT CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS, meeting people can be fun and easy ! Improve your MEETING PEOPLE skills with the HOW TO MEET PEOPLE audiocassette by Janet Jacobsen, editor of Single Scene. You’ll learn **How to overcome your fears **Three sure-fire meeting methods **Where to find interesting people **Simple, fun techniques to improve your social life NOW. To order HOW TO MEET PEOPLE, send $9.95 (first class postage & handling included) to Interpersonal Enterprises Inc. Box 6243 Dept. E Scottsdale AZ 85261-6243. 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