Singles Scene Newsletter 4-30-01 issue 53 sing-@primenet.com! IN THIS ISSUE: * In defense of game-playing * Tips from Aunt Janet -- Are your clothes TOO "cool"? * Web site of the Week: Sites do the work in travel shopping * Arizona Date Ideas for May (For the best tips on getting the most from single life, visit our new web site: www.singlelifecoach.com.) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * IN DEFENSE OF GAME-PLAYING by Janet L. Jacobsen Game-playing has gotten a bad name. You see it in the personal ads: "Not into playing games." "No game-players wanted." And theyre not talking about chess fanatics, but the "game-playing" made famous in "Games People Play," a book about how we pretend one thing, when our real intent is some thing else. But try to imagine a joyful relationship without games. The nature of seduction is a game--getting the idea from my head to his. A businesslike, no-game approach ("Hi, my place or yours?") is hardly seductive. It's honest, sure, but where's the fun? Romance requires a bit of illusion, after all. That's why moonlight and candlelight are romantic, and dirty socks aren't. And people who are "anti-game" certainly aren't very spontaneous. If everything has to be always clear-cut and negotiated, it definitely cuts out the spur-of-the-moment. In fact, I contend that people aren't really against game-playing at all. We'd all favor it highly if we could just be sure we'd win. The problem seems to be our cultural orientation toward competitiveness: someone wins and someone loses. We take this so seriously that coming in second or third out of hundreds is still considered "losing," and only the very first person "wins." But the running craze suggests a gradual change in our attitude about what it means to win: just finishing is a victory. ("I can't believe I ran the whole thing." If we want to "play" in our relationships, we need that change in attitude. In an emotional relationship we want to get closer, but competing pushes us apart. An "I win and you lose" approach (whether it's over a tennis game or what we're doing tonight) weakens the relationship. If someone is playing us along so we don't really know what's happening and we're going to lose in the end, it's a game we'd like to avoid. But if we're playing a game where we want them to experience at least as much happiness as we do from the event, most people would probably like to play. be in on. If I tell him to be dressed up and ready to go out at a certain time, but I refuse to give him further details, he can huff in disgust, "Don't play games." Or he can see that my intent is to create a game where we both win, and play along. If you find yourself on the losing side of someone's games, then it's time to stop playing in their ballpark, pronto. But don't blame games. Just spend your time with people who play so everyone wins. *********************** Advice from Aunt Janet -- When summer cool, isn't. One of the great things about summer is summer clothes. But gals, do give some thought to what you are wearing when -- especially since "skimpy" is supposedly a fashion statement at the moment. Men don't care about fashion. They aren't reading "Vogue." They don't know that "everyone" is wearing bare midriffs and low slung waists. They just know you look like you aren' t wearing much in the way of clothes. Is that the impression you want to give? Especially when you are going out to meet new people, or on a first date, be aware of how someone who doesn't know you at all could interpret your attire. I get very impatient when women tell me they want men to love them for their minds -- and then package themselves as though they were selling something else entirely. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< Web Site of the Week-- Sites do the work in travel shopping Shopping for travel arrangements on the web can save you money, but can also eat up a lot of time. A recent article in Accessmagazine reported on web addresses that search the travel sites of multiple travel suppliers to look for travel bargains for you. Mentioned were sidestep.com, qixo.com, and farechase.com. /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ MAY DATE IDEAS!! Tues., May 1: Free community concerts Tuesdays in the amphitheater, 7:30-8:30 p.m. 201 N. Center St., Mesa. Info 480-644-2242. Wed., May 2: Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. & Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Includes a special program or lecture. $5 admi., plus $2 for giant-screen film or planetarium. 602-716-2000. Thurs., May 3: Last chance (thru May 6) to see the "Norman Rockwell: Pictures for the American People" exhibit at the Phoenix Art Museum, 1625 N. Central, open to 7 p.m. on Thurs. 602-257-1880. Admission is $12. Tickets are for specific dates & times; advance purchase is recommended in person at the Museum or through Ticketmaster, 480-784-444. Fri., May 4: 7-10 pm, downtown Phoenix becomes a moving art gallery with several art venues linked by the free DASH shuttle buses. Parking lots to meet the buses are at the Burton Barr Library, the Phoenix Center for Community Arts, and Historic First Church. Info, call Artlink at 602-256-7539. Sat., May 5: Cinco de Mayo. Look for celebrations in many city parks and community centers. Sun., May 6 (also 4 & 5): Maricopa County Home Landscape Show. Az. State Fairgrounds, 1826 W. McDowell, Phoenix. Adm. $4. 1-800-995-1295. Mon., May 7: Full moon! Perfect night for dinner in a restaurant with outdoor seating. Or have a picnic in a park (or your back yard). Tues., May 8: Most Tuesdays there's a backgammon tournament at 7 pm at the George and Dragon pub, 4240 N. Central in Phoenix. Tourney entry is $10; bring your own board. 602-265-1992. Wed., May 9: Wednesdays (except first Wed.), Royal Scottish Country Dancing, 7 pm, Scottsdale Senior Center, Civic Center & 2nd Ave. Free. 480-834-5662. Newcomers welcome. Thurs., May 10: Art Walk (every Thurs.), Scottsdale galleries, 5th Ave. area. 7-9 p.m. 480-990-3939. Fri., May 11: Through June 29 the Desert Botanical Garden hosts its summer Jazz in the Garden series Fridays from 7 to 9 p.m. (6:30-8:30 on June 1). $13.50 for nonmembers. 1201 N. Galvin Parkway in Phoenix. 480-941-1225. Sat., May 12: 3rd Annual Dog Days of Summer Dog Wash, Whole Foods Market, 5120 S. Rural Rd., Tempe, to benefit Friends for Life animal shelter. Includes live reggae music, lunch, prizes, and dog adoptions. 480-456-1400. Night run for the arts, Scottsdale Center for the Arts, sponsored by Runner's Den. Run, walk or stroll, followed by concert in the amphitheater. 602-277-4333. Sun., May 13 (also 12): "America Swings" Opera Workshop Performances, Glendale Community College, 6000 W. Olive, 7:30 p.m., Performing Arts Center. USO show featuring songs of WWII. Admission: can of food for St. Mary's Foodbank. Mon., May 14: 7 pm, chess night at Borders Books & Music, Biltmore Fashion Park, 24th St. & Camelback, Phx. Watch; play! 602-957-6660. Tues., May 15: Create your own progressive dinner. Pick a neighborhood with several restaurants you like, or have wanted to try. (A mall foodcourt will work too.) Have the appetizer at one, salad at another, entree at another, dessert at yet another. Narrowing it down to just two or three courses is ok too. Wed., May 16: 7 p.m., every Wednesday night fun skate for adults, El Dorado Park, 2311 N. Miller Rd., Scottsdale. Winds thru city. Free 480-942-4156. Thurs., May 17: Antique Walk, downtown Glendale. 623-435-0556. Fri., May 18: Rodders Fellowship Club classic car "Friday Night Cruise-In", parking lot, ne corner Baseline & Stapley Dr. in Mesa. Begins 6 pm. Sat., May 19: Every Saturday, classic car exhibits 5-9 p.m. around McDonalds at the Scottsdale Pavilions, Pima & Indian Bend Roads in Scottsdale. Sun., May 20: Tempe hosts a free "Sundays at Sunset" concert series at 6:30 pm at the Beach Park, Tempe Town Lake, to June 3. 480-350-5287. Mon., May 21: Have a mini-potluck surprise -- at home or picnic style. Each of you provide a course (or two), but don't let the other know what you're bringing. Tues., May 22: Poetry in the Park, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 7:30-10 p.m. 602-261-8993. Wed., May 23: Every Wed., 7-10 pm, coffee house with performers and a jam session, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 602-261-8993. Thurs., May 24: Every Thurs., Sc. Center for the Arts, Civic Center Mall, is open til 8 p.m. 480-994-ARTS. Fri., May 25: Evening poetry reading, Changing Hands Bookstore, McClintock & Guadalupe (sw corner), Tempe. Sat., May 26: Hogs in Heat, all-you-can-eat barbecue & dance, Rock Springs Cafe, Black Canyon City (exit 242, I-17 n. of Phx.). 4 pm-? 623-374-5794. Sun., May 27: McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park hosts free concerts Sundays 7:30-9 p.m. to July 15. 7301 E. Indian Bend, Scottsdale. 480-312-2312. Mon., May 28: Memorial Day. Attend a parade! Visit the nearest national cemetery; take flowers. Tues., May 29: End of the month and a little low on cash? Good night to hit one of the "dollar" movie theaters. Wed., May 30: It's hot. Go for an ice cream. Get something huge and fattening (banana split maybe?) Cut the calories in half: share! Thurs., May 31: Every Thurs., free night at Phoenix Art Museum (donations appreciated). Til 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880. ----------------------------------------------------- SHARE WITH A FRIEND-- PLEASE FORWARD THIS ISSUE ! ---------------------------------------------- If you haven't already done so, please forward this issue to your single friends and associates. Thanks so much! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN ORDEAL TO MEET PEOPLE, if you know the right conversational skills. Improve your MEETING PEOPLE skills with the HOW TO MEET PEOPLE audiocassette by Janet Jacobsen, editor of Single Scene. You'll learn **How to overcome your fears **Three sure-fire meeting methods **Where to find interesting people **Simple, fun techniques to improve your social life NOW. To order HOW TO MEET PEOPLE, send $9.95 (first class postage & handling included) to Interpersonal Enterprises Inc. Box 6243 Dept. E Scottsdale AZ 85261-6243. Satisfaction Guaranteed! ************************** To unsubscribe to this newsletter, send a blank email to singlesphx--@topica.com If a friend would like to subscribe, have them send a blank email to singlesphx-@topica.com