Single Scene Newsletter 7-20-01 issue 57 Copyright Single Scene 2001 sing-@primenet.com! In this issue: * Latest Singles News Briefs! Online dating safety. Surviving email. * Advice from Aunt Janet -- No one's from Mars: What men and women want. * Arizona "Hot" Date Ideas for August (Have friends who are struggling through a divorce? Suggest they visit www.divorcerecovery101.com. Our new web site is loaded with practical, useful advice.) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Singles News Briefs by Janet L. Jacobsen The finances of divorce. According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, you'll both come through the divorce in better shape financially and emotionally if you treat it like a business transaction. Decide for yourself - before you talk to an attorney - what you think is appropriate and fair, and reasonable. You may be emotionally attached to the house, but can you actually afford it alone? And just because you're entitled to half the retirement money doesn't mean that's what's best. You might trade your half for more cash now. The more you can successfully negotiate with each other, without the lawyers, the better. You can also save by finding lawyers who prefer to negotiate, rather than litigate. Going to court, costs. Even better is to each have a mediator, rather than an attorney, to negotiate your settlement. "The reason people have lawyers is because they can't put their emotions behind them. You'll be better off if you look at this as the dissolution of a partnership, rather than the end of a romance." What (some) women want. Certainly it's not a scientific survey, but 47,000 women did answer People magazine's readers poll on what women want in men. The most important attribute for a man to have is a sense of humor, according to 43%; 31% value sensitivity first, 19% say intelligence, 6% rank good looks first, and just 2% say money is most important. Once the guy gets her phone number, 47% of women expect him to call within 24 hours, and 47% will wait up to three days; only about 5% are still willing to hear from him after a week. Ways to guarantee you don't get a second date: talk about your ex-girlfriend (58%), have bad table manners (20%), or talk too much about yourself (18%). While 43% still think the guy should pay for all dates, 39% prefer to alternate who pays for the date, and 18% want to split the cost each time. 52% wouldn't want a prenuptial agreement, but 48% think it's a good idea. Online dating safety. Recently USA Weekend magazine offered pointers for keeping things safe if you're online dating (and which also work in any blind date situation). 1. NEVER give your full name, mailing address and phone number until after you' ve established a face-to-face relationship. 2. Your first meeting should ALWAYS be a public place, not your home or office. Consider having a friend nearby at another table. 3. Don't drink or do anything that will impair your judgment. 4. Have a cell phone with you, and have a friend call at a prearranged time. If needed, you can use this "emergency" to end the date. 5. Trust your gut. Weird behavior, too personal questions, or contradictions from what you've learned about them online are good reasons to end the date and the online correspondence. Dump the speakerphone. Maybe it's ok with friends and family, but don't use a speakerphone when talking to dates. You give the impression that they aren't important enough for you to stop what you're doing and pick up the phone. The exception, of course, is speakerphones in cars. Where the upper crust lives. Worth magazine recently ranked the richest towns in the U.S., based on housing prices. Tops is Jupiter Island, Florida, where the average home price is $3.9 million. The rest of the top ten are in California (highest is Atherton, $2.7 million) and Colorado (tops is Aspen, $2.3 million) and in Sea Island, Georgia ($1.82 million). Surviving e-mail. Direct magazine recently offered useful advice for living with e-mail. If your system allows you more than one e-mail name, use one for general online research and where your name might be captured, and one for your personal correspondence. That makes it easier to sort out the "junk" mail. Urge people to use brief subject lines; subject lines on personal mail help you make choices when you're short of time. Think like a newspaper article - use short sentences and short paragraphs, to make it easy to read. Have a set time when you read email, and let people know when that is, so they don' t always expect an "instant" response. If you're forwarding mail, clean out unnecessary headers (all that address info and perhaps the greeting from your first source). Organize the emails you save into folders (possibly on your hard drive), to make things easier to find or to set up ok-to-erase deadlines. How much is enough? Don't assume having more money will make you happier. Good Housekeeping reports that studies show that people with more money are not particularly happier than people who simply have enough to cover their basic needs. Quotable. "Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same." Erica Jong, "Fear of Flying." *********************** Advice from Aunt Janet -- No one's from Mars: What men and women want. John Grey's book claimed that the sexes are so different that we might as well be from different planets. Great metaphor. Wrong info. Grey says that if you ask, "What makes you feel loved in a relationship?", men and women will answer differently -- each with their own six items, with no overlap to speak of. So I took Grey's lists, and added a quality he'd left out that I thought was important: affection. And I've had several groups of singles check off the lists individually with the six things that make them feel most loved. I just did it again recently with a class of college students, and their answers were nearly identical with the answers I've gotten with groups of more mature singles. And the key point is: Men's lists and women's lists are identical, although the rank ordering differs a bit from group to group. So now you can answer the great secret of the ages. Here's what it takes to make us ALL feel loved: Affection, caring, trust, respect, understanding, and appreciation. ----------------------------------------------------- SHARE WITH A FRIEND-- PLEASE FORWARD THIS ISSUE ! ---------------------------------------------- If you haven't already done so, please forward this issue to your single friends and associates. Thanks so much! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< H-O-T IDEAS for AUGUST DATES Wed., Aug. 1: Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. & Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Includes a special program or lecture. $5 admi., plus $2 for giant-screen film or planetarium. 602-716-2000. Thurs, Aug., 2: Every Thurs., Sc. Center for the Arts, Civic Center Mall, is open til 8 p.m. 480-994-ARTS. Fri., Aug. 3: Phoenix city swimming pools are open to help you cool off on these hot days. Phoenix has 28 pools, open noon to 8 pm daily through Aug. 12, then weekends through Labor Day. Adults, $1.50. Swimming lessons are offered too. 602-534-7946. Sat., Aug. 4 (Aug. 3-5): Flagstaff Festival in the Pines, Fort Tuthill, Coconino Country Fairgrounds. 1-888-ARTFEST. Sun., Aug. 5: Sunnyslope Rock Garden, 10023 N. 13th Pl., Phoenix. Sculptures made of broken china, rocks & trinkets. 1-5 p.m. Free. 602-997-4627. Mon., Aug. 6: Chess night, 7 pm at Borders Books & Music, Biltmore Fashion Park, 24th St. & Camelback, Phx. Watch; play! 602-957-6660. Tues., Aug. 7: Get entertained at the library! Cowboy Poetry & Western Trail Songs, Mustang Library auditorium, 10101 N. 90th St., Scottsdale, 7-8 pm. Free. 480-312-6050. OR The Amazing Falling Anvil, a review of Warner Bros. cartoons, Burton Barr Central Library, 4th floor, 1221 N. Central, Phoenix. 5:30-7 pm. Free. 602-262-4636. Wed., Aug. 8: Adult fun skate night, 7 p.m., every Wednesday, El Dorado Park, 2311 N. Miller Rd., Scottsdale. Winds thru city. Free. 480-942-4156. Thurs., Aug. 9: Every Thurs., free night at Phoenix Art Museum (donations appreciated). Til 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880. Fri., Aug. 10 (Aug. 8-11): 10th annual Southwest Wings Birding and Nature Festival, Sierra Vista. Tours, seminars, exhibits. 520-378-4937. Sat., Aug. 11: Every Saturday, classic car exhibits 5-9 p.m. around McDonalds at the Scottsdale Pavilions, Pima & Indian Bend Roads in Scottsdale. Sun., Aug. 12: Top night of the year for meteor showers! Watch the Perseids in the northeast sky (IF it's not cloudy). Best after midnight. Mon., Aug. 13: Hot! Humid! Ice cream! Visit a real soda fountain or ice cream shop (the Phoenician Resort has a cute one) and share a large rootbeer float -- two straws. Tues., Aug. 14: Most Tuesdays there's a backgammon tournament at 7 pm at the George and Dragon pub, 4240 N. Central in Phoenix. Tourney entry is $10; bring your own board. 602-265-1992. Wed., Aug. 15: Royal Scottish Country Dancing, 7 pm, Scottsdale Senior Center, Civic Center & 2nd Ave. Free. 480-834-5662. Newcomers welcome. Thurs., Aug. 16: Antique Walk, downtown Glendale. 623-435-0556. Fri., Aug. 17 (Aug. 16-18): 14th Annual Arizona Cowboy Poets Gathering. Music, poetry, storytelling. Courthouse Plaza, Prescott. 800-266-7534. Sat., Aug. 18: Beat the Friday going, Sunday returning traffic: go to the mountains just for the day. Got a rugged vehicle? Check out Crown King, off Sunset Point on I-17. Sun., Aug. 19: Every Sunday, free admission day at the Pueblo Grande Museum, 4619 E. Washington, Phoenix, on southwest archeology and culture. 1-4:45 Sunday. 602-495-0901. Mon., Aug. 20: Catch the "summer movies" you missed, at a "dollar" theater. Tues., Aug. 21: Can't get out of town to beat the heat? Go ice-skating! Wed., Aug. 22: Pack a picnic and have a twilight dinner by the beach at Saguaro Lake east of Scottsdale. Thurs., Aug. 23: Don't want to drive out of town for an evening picnic? And city park with lots of trees and grass is likely to be cooler than the rest of town -- and there are picnic tables! Fri., Aug. 24: Sneak out of work a little early to catch a "twilight" discount movie, and dinner afterward (if you haven't overdone it with the popcorn). Sat., Aug. 25: Hogs in Heat, all-you-can-eat barbecue & dance, Rock Springs Cafe, Black Canyon City (exit 242, I-17 n. of Phx.). 4 pm-? 623-374-5794. Sun., Aug. 26: Visit "strange" parts of town! Now that the buses run on Sunday, you can get on and cruise the city to neighborhoods you've never seen. Mon., Aug. 27: Pizza night! Even better if you make it from scratch yourself, for fun. Rent a movie too, to watch while waiting for the pizza in case yours doesn't work out. Tues., Aug. 28: Poetry in the Park, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 7:30-10 p.m. 602-261-8993. Wed., Aug. 29: Even in summer downtown Scottsdale these days is a busy place for people walking in the evenings, especially the Old Town area and Civic Center. Lots of restaurants -- pick one spontaneously, and if there's a wait, walk a little more and be back in time for your table. Thurs., Aug. 30: Stroll along Tempe Town Lake; walk downtown for ice cream or gourmet coffee. Fri., Aug. 31: Evening poetry reading, Changing Hands Bookstore, McClintock & Guadalupe (sw corner), Tempe. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN ORDEAL TO MEET PEOPLE, if you know the right conversational skills. Improve your MEETING PEOPLE skills with the HOW TO MEET PEOPLE audiocassette by Janet Jacobsen, editor of Single Scene. You'll learn **How to overcome your fears **Three sure-fire meeting methods **Where to find interesting people **Simple, fun techniques to improve your social life NOW. To order HOW TO MEET PEOPLE, send $9.95 (first class postage & handling included) to Interpersonal Enterprises Inc. Box 6243 Dept. E Scottsdale AZ 85261-6243. Satisfaction Guaranteed! ************************** To unsubscribe to this newsletter, send a blank email to singlesphx--@topica.com If a friend would like to subscribe, have them send a blank email to singlesphx-@topica.com