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Scottsdale AZ 85271
USA
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Sexual Singles Part 1 of a series
by Harlan
Not being a sex paper, we usually do not carry articles on sex. However,
since sex is the biggest buggaboo or hurdle in dating the second time
around, we try to cover some aspects that are helpful in getting on with
a new and better life.
Here are some sexual points we have discovered that help to understand:
1. SEX IS NOT INSTINCTIVE. The urge is instinctive but the performance
is learned. (All higher animals including monkeys have to watch or have
some instruction.)
2. MOST DIVORCED PEOPLE OVER 30 ARE STILL IN THE NOVICE CLASS. Did not
have 20 years experience with sex--had one year experience repeated 20
times.
3. MANY ARE SEARCHING FOR THAT “MAGIC” LOVER THAT CAN REALLY
TURN THEM ON. (Rather than finding a really compatible relationship and
then developing a super sexual relationship.)
4. MANY SEXUAL PROBLEMS AND HANG UPS REQUIRE SOME “UNLEARNING”
OR DEPROGRAMMING FROM THE PAST IN ORDER TO REALLY ENJOY A SEXUAL LIFE.
For example, Mother said only “bad” people do it.
5. MOST SECOND TIME AROUNDERS FIND IT DIFFICULT TO TALK ABOUT SEX WITH
A PARTNER OR ANYONE. No experience--didn’t talk about it in marriage.
6. INITIALLY MOST EITHER BECOME CELIBATE OR PROMISCUOUS · Go bananas
one way or the other.
7. MOST HAVE A NARROW RANGE OF SEXUAL ENJOYMENT. Are conditioned to sexual
response one way. Other ways are not developed. Training, experience and
attitude changes can quadruple sexual enjoyment. Their sensuousness can
be greatly expanded.
8. MOST HAVE ENOUGH UNREALISTIC FEARS TIED UP WITH GETTING SEXUALLY ACTIVE
AGAIN THAT SEX
THE SECOND TINE AROUND IS STRESSFUL ENOUGH TO GIVE THEM AN ULCER. Fears:
a. Might not be satisfying to my partner, might fail.
b. Might find me unattractive in bed without my protective shield of clothes.
c. Might hate myself afterwards.
d. Reputation--what will people say.
e. Catching VD or something dreadful.
f. Might freeze up and not be able to perform.
g. Might get involved after having sex with them and I don’t want
to get involved right now, or at least not with this person.
h. Night be asked to do somethihg “kinky” that I have not done
before.
i. You become a bad person if you get to like sex.
9. MOST SEEM UNAWARE THAT DIFFERNT PEOPLE RESPOND TO DIFFERENT STIMULATION.
What worked great in arousing your last partner may be a “turn off”
to your new one.
10. MOST ARE UNABLE TO READILY COMMUNICATE WHAT TURNS THEM ON OR OFF AND
THEIR PARTNER HAS TO GUESS.
11. MANY SECOND TIME AROUND WOMEN ARE NON-ORGASMIC AND MANY MEN EITHER
CAN ‘T GET IT UP OR ARE “MINUTE MEN” and don’t know
what to do about it.
12. MOST ERRONEOUSLY FEEL THEY HAVE ALREADY HAD MAXIMUM SEXUAL ENJOYMENT,
WHEREAS IN REALITY THEY HAVE PROBABLY ONLY “SCRATCHED THE SURFACE.”
13. MOST FEEL INITIALLY THAT FINDING SEX PARTNERS IS DIFFICULT.
14. MOST HAVE TROUBLE INITIALLY SEPARATING SEX AND LOVE, OR ,THE VERY
IDEA OF GOING TO BED WITH MORE THAN ONE PERSON.
Next issue we will take up overcoming these one by one.
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