Singles Scene Newsletter 12-12-00 issue 44 sing-@primenet.com! In this issue: * Are you rejecting yourself? Beware of "pre-rejection"! * Advice from Aunt Janet-- A great gift for any single * Web site of the Week-- dating etiquette! * All Singles Dance Schedule * Arizona Date Ideas for Dec. 12-26 (Visit our web site for the complete list of December ideas: www.azsinglescene.com.) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MERRY CHRISTMAS and a Happy Holiday Season to All Our Readers!!! ************************ Are you rejecting yourself? by Janet L. Jacobsen If the person you've been dating (or trying to date) has told you several times to go away, sooner or later you ought to accept the rejection and move along. For most of us, though, the problem is that we pre-reject OURSELVES. When you circle interesting personals, but never answer them, you have not escaped rejection. When you decide that someone you've seen at a party really doesn't want to meet you, or probably isn't interested in dating right now, anyway, you have not escaped rejection. You've simply kept them from rejecting you by rejecting yourself. Social skills are LEARNED skills, including the ability to meet people and to carry on conversations. Maybe you aren't necessarily a big hit at first, but you get better with practice. When you reject yourself, you guarantee that you won't make any progress, period. So the "success" of a social interaction is not in any particular outcome, but in the fact that you're in there trying. Like Babe Ruth, in order to have big hits, you must also be willing to strike out. Besides, other singles appreciate how difficult the whole social process can be. They are generally much more understanding and tolerant of major social flub-ups when the person is making a sincere effort, than they are of minor flubs from people who seem to think they already know it all. And asking people for advice or help on how to handle situations is also usually more endearing than upsetting. It's a good idea, in fact, to say, "I'd like to go with you to the opera/hockey game, but I've never been and I'm not sure how to act. But I'll go if you'll coach me along the way." Not meeting people because you've pre-rejected yourself is not the way to a happier social life. Playing the game, even with the occasional strike out, is. *********************** ADVICE FROM AUNT JANET -- If you're at a loss for a gift for a single friend -- or ought to be buying YOURSELF a little something, think night light. Not the indoor kind that helps you find the bathroom in the dark. The kind that turns on at your door when the sun goes down, and turns off again when it gets light. You can get an inexpensive (about $5) fitting that just screws right into the light socket and has the little electric eye, or you can get a bigger unit. Shop any home or hardware store. This way, wherever you've been, whatever you've been doing (working late or having fun, or both!) there's a light on to greet you -- and to discourage bad guys while you're away. Now THAT' s a valuable gift. ************************* Web Site of the Week If you're new to dating, or your skills need a bit of brushing up (working too much lately?), Access Magazine recommends a web site on dating etiquette. Yes, it's theoretically geared to teenagers, but they aren't the ONLY ones who need advice on flirting, dating, and breaking up. See www.adolescent-adulthood.com. ******************** SHARE WITH A FRIEND-- PLEASE FORWARD THIS ISSUE ! ---------------------------------------------- If you haven't already done so, please forward this issue to your single friends and associates. Thanks so much! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ALL SINGLES DANCE SCHEDULE: Next dance December 28 Scottsdale Radisson, 7171 N. Scottsdale Rd. Coming up: January 26 Camelback Inn Dance admission is $8. Call 480-949-8076 for more info or see *********************** December Date Ideas-- Tues., Dec. 12: Band Holiday Concert, free, 7:30 pm, Performing Arts Center, Glendale Community College, 6000 W. Olive Ave. 623-845-3726. Wed., Dec. 13 (every Wed.): 7 p.m., fun skate for adults, El Dorado Park, 2311 N. Miller Rd., Scottsdale. Winds thru city. Free 480-942-4156. Th., Dec. 14: Choir Holiday Concert, Performing Arts Center, Glendale Community College, 6000 West Olive. 7:30 pm. 623-845-3724. Also, Geminids meteor shower! Fri., Dec. 15 (thru 30, except 24/25): Holiday Lights, McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park, 7301 E. Indian Bend, Scottsdale. 6:30-9pm. 480-312-2312. Sat., Dec. 16: Every Saturday, classic car exhibits 5-9 p.m. around McDonalds at the Scottsdale Pavillions, Pima & Indian Bend Roads in Scottsdale. Sun., Dec. 17: Every Sunday, free admission day at the Pueblo Grande Museum, 4619 E. Washington, Phoenix, on southwest archeology and culture. 1-4:45 Sunday. 602-495-0901. Mon., Dec. 18: Watch little kids while standing in line at the Mall to see Santa (Scottsdale Fashion Square's is great); get your photo together taken with Mr. Claus. Tues., Dec. 19: Most Tuesdays there's a backgammon tournament at 7 pm at the George and Dragon pub, 4240 N. Central in Phoenix. Tourney entry is $10; bring your own board. 602-265-1992. Wed., Dec. 20: Every Wed., 7-10 pm, coffee house with performers and a jam session, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 602-261-8993. Thurs., Dec. 21: Every Thurs., standup comedy night, 8 p.m., Star Theatre, 7111 E. McDowell, Scottsdale. $4, reservations required. 480-423-0120. Fri., Dec. 22: Drive around to look at holiday lights; stop for dessert and hot chocolate. Sat., Dec. 23: Most Saturday nights, Centerpoint, Mill & University, downtown Tempe. 6-9 pm., live music, magicians and other entertainment. Free. 480-947-3500. Sun., Dec. 24: Attend Christmas Eve church services. A neighborhood church with a children's pageant can be especially wonderful. Mon., Dec. 25: Christmas Day. Invite friends for dessert in the evening; play board games. Tues., Dec. 26 (thru Dec. 31): Holidays at the Heard, powwow dances, native foods, exhibits, Heard Museum, 2301 N. Central Ave., Phx. $7. 602-252-8848. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * It doesn't have to be an ordeal to meet people, if you know the right conversational skills. (YES, it's a commercial announcement ....) Improve your MEETING PEOPLE skills with the HOW TO MEET PEOPLE audiocassette by Janet Jacobsen, editor of Single Scene. You'll learn **How to overcome your fears **Three sure-fire meeting methods **Where to find interesting people **Simple, fun techniques to improve your social life NOW. To order HOW TO MEET PEOPLE, send $9.95 (first class postage & handling included) to Interpersonal Enterprises Inc. Box 6243 Dept. E Scottsdale AZ 85261-6243. Satisfaction Guaranteed! **************************