Singles Scene Newsletter 2-28-01 issue 49 sing-@primenet.com! In this issue: * Guys-- How to know who's NOT interested! * Tips from Aunt Janet -- Be special! Bring flowers. * Web site of the Week: www.weddingchannel.com * Arizona Date Ideas for March 1 to 15. (Newly single? Or have a friend who is? Visit our newest web site for lots of great information on adjusting to single life! www.singlelifecoach.com.) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * GUYS -- How to know who's NOT interested Tips from the ladies that you NEED to know! by Janet L. Jacobsen Fellows, we can't tell you for sure which women will say yes when you ask them out, but we CAN give you a pretty good idea of which women will say no, if the women attending a singles discussion on "How to Pursue the Opposite Sex" were at all typical. (Unfortunately the guys weren't able to agree on any "rules" about approaching men. Sorry, ladies.) Let's say there's a woman at work you find interesting. Or maybe you're out at a singles event one evening and see a woman you've met before, and you'd like to get her phone number. Or you've gone out to a country/western place, and see a gal across the room you'd like to ask to dance. Here's how to get an indication of what her reaction will be if you ask her to dance, ask for her phone number or ask her out. Find some good excuse to walk past her. Make it as obvious as you can that you are not walking TO her, just passing by. Does she make eye contact with you and smile? If she doesn't, DON'T ask her to dance, don't ask for her phone number, and don't ask her out. Well, ok, go ahead and ask her to dance. But it's a 75-90% rejection possibility. Because women are intensely trained to smile and nod at anyone they feel comfortable with, and if she's not smiling and nodding at you, it's not a welcoming sign. But don't rush to assume that if she IS smiling and nodding, that means she'll say yes when you ask her out. Wrong. She's smiling and nodding at ANYONE she feels she doesn't have to be on the defense with, but that doesn't mean she wants to go OUT with all those people. This is a test of who NOT to ask, but that's the best we could do - no guarantees on who will say yes. So if you're NOT getting a nod and a smile from someone you're interested in, do you just give up completely? No. The women were agreed that what a man should do then is make conversation. Chat regularly (and briefly) with the person at the office when you run into her at the water cooler; but don't ask her out. Go over and say hello to the woman you've seen before at the singles event; ask her about something you remember from your last conversation, but don't ask for her phone number. Any time she passes by, smile and nod yourself at the woman you want to ask to dance, and then a little later you can ask her for a two-step. If you get a smile and nod from a woman when she feels comfortable about you, the way she develops that is by conversation and by observing your behavior. (If no women you know ever smile and nod at you, head to counseling and get a behavior check-up now.) Just remember that comfort is NOT permission - it's only gotten you past the likely rejection. But what, asked one woman in the group, if you're SHY? She doesn't smile at men at all because she's shy, she says. Well, most of the women urged her to get with the program and make a little eye contact. But the conversational route will work for guys in this case too, because she does get into conversations easily, and will eventually get to know you and smile and nod. So that's our little gift from the ladies to the guys - how to spare you some rejection, and how to improve your popularity. If she doesn't smile and make eye contact with you when she sees you, don't ask. Instead, make conversation and give her a chance to get to know you better. *********************** Advice from Aunt Janet -- LET THEM KNOW THEY'RE SPECIAL -- give flowers! Want to let someone know they are special? Bring them flowers. A little special -- a small bouquet, like you'd get at the supermarket. More special -- a few roses. VERY special -- lots of roses (or a big bouquet of other flowers). It's ok to have the flowers delivered, but delivering them yourself is just fine too (and lets you save some money -- or spend more on the flowers!) If you've been dating the person long enough to know their work situation,and to know that their work-mates have probably heard about you, delivering the flowers to their work is a nice touch because it lets them "show off" a bit in front of others. Just don't take the flowers to them at work personally, or you put them on the spot to thank you. Leave the flowers with the receptionist, like a florist would do. And ladies, YOU should be sending flowers too. I delivered flowers for Valentine's Day for a special guy I know at his office. He was the only person in his company to get flowers for Valentines Day. He liked my flowers and he also liked all the attention the bouquet on his desk got him. ************************ Web Site of the Week-- www.weddingchannel.com Got engaged on Valentine's Day? Access Magazine recommends www.weddingchannel.com for planning tools, tips, and a directory of local service providers. ******************** SHARE WITH A FRIEND-- PLEASE FORWARD THIS ISSUE ! ---------------------------------------------- If you haven't already done so, please forward this issue to your single friends and associates. Thanks so much! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * March Date Ideas Thurs., March 1: Through May 6, see the "Norman Rockwell: Pictures for the American People" exhibit at the Phoenix Art Museum, 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880. Admission is $12. Tickets are for specific dates & times; advance purchase is recommended in person at the Museum or through Ticketmaster, 480-784-444. Fri., March 2: 7-10 pm, downtown Phoenix becomes a moving art gallery with several art venues linked by the free DASH shuttle buses. Parking lots to meet the buses are at the Burton Barr Library, the Phoenix Center for Community Arts, and Historic First Church. Info, call Artlink at 602-256-7539. Sat., March 3 (& Sun.): 43rd annual Indian Fair and Market, Heard Museum, 2301 N. Central Ave., Phoenix. $10 adm. 602-251-0214. Sunday, March 4: Sunday A'fair, noon to 4:30 pm, Scottsdale Civic Center Mall; free entertainment, arts & crafts, games, food. 480-994-2787. Monday, March 5: ArtSalons--Lectures and discussions with guest artists. 7-9 pm, Burton Barr Central Library, Pulliam Auditorium, 1221 N. Central Ave., Phoenix. 602-262-4636. Tues., March 6: Most Tuesdays there's a backgammon tournament at 7 pm at the George and Dragon pub, 4240 N. Central in Phoenix. Tourney entry is $10; bring your own board. 602-265-1992. Wed., March 7: Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. & Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Includes a special program or lecture. $5 admi., plus $2 for giant-screen film or planetarium. 602-716-2000. Thurs., March 8: Free night at Phoenix Art Museum (donations appreciated). Til 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880. Fri., March 9: Every Friday Rodders Fellowship Club classic car "Friday Night Cruise-In", parking lot, ne corner Baseline & Stapley Dr. in Mesa. Begins 6 pm. Sat., March 10 (also Fri. & Sun.): Scottsdale Arts Festival, Civic Center Mall. 10-6 Fri. & Sat., 10-5 Sun. 185 exhibiting artists, multiple stages of live entertainment, food. $5 adm. 480-994-ARTS. Sun., March 11: Sundays thru March the Desert Botanical Garden, Phoenix, Music in the Garden Concert Series, 11:30 am to 1 pm. Nonmembers $13.50, includes Garden admission. Optional brunch available 9:30-12:30. 480-941-1225. Mon., March 12: Is your love interest a good sport with a good sense of humor? Find out -- go bowling, especially if neither one of you really knows how to bowl. Tues., March 13: All these "remake" movies! Rent the original version to watch at home. Wed., March 14: Every Wed., 7-10 pm, coffee house with performers and a jam session, Encanto Park Clubhouse, PHoenix. 602-261-8993. Thurs., March 15 (thru Sun.): National Festival of the West, WestWorld, 16601 N. Pima Rd., Scottsdale. A celebration of everything cowboy, including western films, music, poetry, cooking, & historical reenactments. 602-996-4387. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * It doesn't have to be an ordeal to meet people, if you know the right conversational skills. (YES, it's a commercial announcement ....) Improve your MEETING PEOPLE skills with the HOW TO MEET PEOPLE audiocassette by Janet Jacobsen, editor of Single Scene. You'll learn **How to overcome your fears **Three sure-fire meeting methods **Where to find interesting people **Simple, fun techniques to improve your social life NOW. To order HOW TO MEET PEOPLE, send $9.95 (first class postage & handling included) to Interpersonal Enterprises Inc. Box 6243 Dept. E Scottsdale AZ 85261-6243. Satisfaction Guaranteed! **************************