Singles Scene Newsletter 4-15-01 issue 52 sing-@primenet.com! Easter Greetings to All! In this issue: * How I learned to speak to strangers! * Tips from Aunt Janet -- No-Stress Dates * Web site of the Week: A review of web greeting card sites * Arizona Date Ideas for April 14-30 (For the best tips on getting the most from single life, visit our new web site: www.singlelifecoach.com.) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * HIT & RUN or HOW I LEARNED TO SPEAK TO STRANGERS by Janet L. Jacobsen It was tough for me to just relax about meeting new people, to take each person and experience at face value. Opportunities would slip away while I was fussing to myself about how they probably didn't want to know me anyway, or maybe I wouldn't really like them. But a particular experience gave me a new perspective on speaking to strangers. My friend Gail was single again and since she loves to dance, I spent an evening showing her various night spots in town. We went to several places, and just walked around so she could see the sorts of people, kind of music, and decor in each. Our last stop was a small, crowded place called Houlihan's and as we were leaving I noticed a particularly good-looking man. In the parking lot, I mentioned him to Gail. "You haven't commented on anyone else all evening," she said. "I've got to see this." So we squeezed our way inside again and I pointed him out. "Yes," she nodded. "Definitely gorgeous." Back we went to the parking lot, and I don't know; maybe struck us. Anyway, we suddenly stopped, looked at each other, and said, "We ought to tell him." So in we went again and sort of surrounded him, and I tapped him on the arm and said, "Excuse me, but before we left we just wanted to tell you we think you're gorgeous." He stammered out a thank you, but by that time we had made a fast exit and were dancing up and down in the parking lot, carrying on as though we'd just won the lottery. We felt terrific! Since then, we've developed this technique (which we call "Hit and Run") into an art. And though it's fun to do when you're with a friend, we also make "hits" alone. But why run away, some people ask. Why not stay around for the results? Leo Buscaglia tells a similar story, of walking across campus one day and seeing a woman whose hair looked so beautiful that he just had to go back and tell her. So he did, but then in telling the story he says an interesting thing. He says he immediately began to back away, so that the woman would know that what he said was a gift. Because what is our usual first thought when someone we don't know pays us a compliment? Too often it's, "What do you want?" But the person has already done something for us, by looking wonderful, or saying something we wished we'd said in a meeting, or smiling in the checkout line. This is our gift in return, with nothing more expected. While I frequently had nice thoughts about people, I rarely got around to expressing them. With "Hit and Run," I'm acting on my good thoughts. And by "running," I eliminate my expectations; I don't need a "reward" for my behavior. Speaking up is its own reward. "Hit and Run" provides a multitude of personal benefits: 1. You feel good doing it. 2. The other person feels good. 3. You get practice talking to strangers. 4. You get practice expressing your good thoughts. 5. You get practice at having no expectations. We can't claim, however, to be the first to note the benefits of such behavior. As the sage Lao-Tse noted centuries ago, "Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love." *********************** Advice from Aunt Janet -- No-Stress Dates Dating can be SOOO stressful. All the preparation, expectations, worries and fears. You can eliminate a great many of these difficulties by creating spontaneous dates. You can't worry about a date you didn't know you were going to have! You create a spontaneous date by tagging a one-to-one experience on to a group experience. Is there someone you see and occasionally have a conversation with most Sundays at church? Or someone in a class you're taking that you really enjoy talking to? After class or church, when the conversation is going well, say, "I always enjoy talking to you. Would you be available to go to lunch/coffee right now?" If they say yes, instant "date"! (Plan to pay, but cooperate if they want to share the cost.) If they say no, let it go at that and leave the next gesture up to them. If they say, not now, but another time would be good, wait for another time and a similar situation to ask again. You do NOT want to seem pushy or make them feel they need to avoid you because they said no. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< Web Site of the Week-- Best web greeting cards. Recently I needed to send a belated e-birthday card to a friend, so I "shopped" four different e-card sites. All the sites were speedy, and easy to navigate. But there were some differences. At www.eGreetings.com I had a choice of 10 cards, four of them animated. Good features were the ability to add a long message to the card, and that moving the arrow to the card showed you the punchline without having to actually open the card. Bad part was a VERY annoying flashing notice which never went away that I had won a "PRIZE." At www.Hallmark.com there were 13 belated cards, with good variety and good quality animation. You can add a message, but only up to 500 characters. Www.AmericanGreetings.com offered 21 belated options, including some in postcard style. None of them appealed to me particularly though. Www.Bluemountain.com is the e-card company I usually use. They had nineteen options, and unlike on the other sites, you can see all the options at once. You personalize the card with the receiver's name and you can personalize your signature and add an additional message too. Overall I still like Bluemountain's card setup the best, but I sent my belated card via Hallmark because I thought one with an animated duck was so cute. /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SHARE WITH A FRIEND-- PLEASE FORWARD THIS ISSUE ! ---------------------------------------------- If you haven't already done so, please forward this issue to your single friends and associates. Thanks so much! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * APRIL DATE IDEAS Sat., Apr. 14: The Phoenix Friends of Old Time Music hold a Contra Dance at the Kenilworth School, 1210 N. 5th Avenue in Phoenix, from 7:30-11 pm. 480-759-2382. Sun., Apr. 15: Easter Sunday. Attend a Sunrise Service together. Mon., Apr. 16: Perfect weather for dining "out" -- at a restaurant with an outdoor patio. Tues., Apr. 17: Most Tuesdays there's a backgammon tournament at 7 pm at the George and Dragon pub, 4240 N. Central in Phoenix. Tourney entry is $10; bring your own board. 602-265-1992. Wed., Apr. 18: 7 p.m., every Wednesday night fun skate for adults, El Dorado Park, 2311 N. Miller Rd., Scottsdale. Winds thru city. Free 480-942-4156. Thurs., Apr. 19: Antique Walk, downtown Glendale. 623-435-0556. Fri. (& Sat./Sun.) April 20-22: Arizona Asia Festival, Patriots Square, Washington St. & Central Ave., sponsored by city of Phoenix. Food, art, entertainment, martial arts demonstrations. 602-788-8899. Sat. (& Fri. & Sun.), April 20-22: The 11th annual Boomtown Spree, including the State Mining Championships, takes place in Miami, (in the mountains east of Phoenix), with competitions in hand-drilling, team drilling, spike driving, and mucking. And there's a street dance Saturday night. Events are free. Info 800-804-5623. Sun., Apr. 22: Every Sunday, free admission day at the Pueblo Grande Museum, 4619 E. Washington, Phoenix, on southwest archeology and culture. 1-4:45 Sunday. 602-495-0901. Mon., Apr. 23: Meet for an ice cream cone (ok, two scoops) and a walk in the park. Tues., Apr. 24: Poetry in the Park, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 7:30-10 p.m. 602-261-8993. Wed., Apr. 25: Every Wed., 7-10 pm, coffee house with performers and a jam session, Encanto Park Clubhouse, PHoenix. 602-261-8993. Thurs., Apr. 26: Art Walk (every Thurs.), Scottsdale galleries, 5th Ave. area. 7-9 p.m. 480-990-3939. Fri., Apr. 27: Evening poetry reading, Changing Hands Bookstore, McClintock & Guadalupe (sw corner), Tempe. Every Fri., Rodders Fellowship Club classic car "Friday Night Cruise-In", parking lot, ne corner Baseline & Stapley Dr. in Mesa. Begins 6 pm. Sat., Apr. 28: Hogs in Heat, all-you-can-eat barbecue & dance, Rock Springs Cafe, Black Canyon City (exit 242, I-17 n. of Phx.). 4 pm-? 623-374-5794. Hassayampa River Preserve free guided tours, in Wickenburg. 8:30 am, one hour, easy hike. Call for reservations, 520-586-7072. Sun., Apr. 29: There may still be wildflowers to see. Last weekend for info on the best places around the state for flowers: Desert Botanical Garden's 24-hour Wildflower Hotline at 480-481-8134. Tempe hosts a free "Sundays at Sunset" concert series at 6:30 pm at the Beach Park, Tempe Town Lake, Sundays to May 20. 480-350-5287. Mon., Apr. 30: Take bread to feed the ducks at the park. Could be baby duckies around at this time of year. + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN ORDEAL TO MEET PEOPLE, if you know the right conversational skills. Improve your MEETING PEOPLE skills with the HOW TO MEET PEOPLE audiocassette by Janet Jacobsen, editor of Single Scene. You'll learn **How to overcome your fears **Three sure-fire meeting methods **Where to find interesting people **Simple, fun techniques to improve your social life NOW. To order HOW TO MEET PEOPLE, send $9.95 (first class postage & handling included) to Interpersonal Enterprises Inc. Box 6243 Dept. E Scottsdale AZ 85261-6243. Satisfaction Guaranteed! **************************